Today the podcast continues its intuitive interview with Sarah Hadley (check out part 1). Buckle your seatbelts, things get spicy as we talk about turning customers away, following your intuition, magic, and what would happen if Hermione Granger and Katniss Everdeen had a kid.what would happen if Hermione Granger and Katniss Everdeen had a kid? #podcast #intuition #magic Click To Tweet
Notes and Links
- What the Bleep Do We Know
- Ron Weasley, Harry Potter
- Hermione Granger, Harry Potter
- Katniss Everdeen, Hunger Games
- Pod Murphy
- Mt. Angel Soda Company
Sarah is a reformed hood rat, who has made it to the suburbs. She reads Tarot, writes books, and tries her hardest not to cuss at the bus stop.
She writes for others the words they struggle to write for themselves. She’s am a professional storyteller and freelance writer. This year, she also became the owner of a craft soda company — but that’s a story for another day. Every person has a story to tell, whether it’s the story of their business or the story of their life. Sarah helps to tell those stories.
She lives in the Portland Metro area with her husband and two teen boys. Her daughter is traveling the country with her husband and Sarah’s adorable grandson.
You can connect with Sarah
Transcript: Why You Need to Start Following Your Intuition
Hello and welcome to the Third Paddle Podcast. I’m your host, Jen McFarland. On this episode, we continue our intuitive conversation with Sarah Hadley. Sarah is a reformed hoodrat who has made it all the way to the suburbs. She reads Tarot, writes books, and tries her hardest not to cuss at the bus stop. She’s on a quest to normalize everyday magic. Buckle your seatbelts as we talk about turning away customers, following your intuition, magic, and what would happen if her mighty Granger and cat, [Miss Aberdeen?] had a kid. All that and more, here on the Third Paddle.
Welcome to the Third Paddle podcast recorded at the [Vanda?] lounge in beautiful Southeast Portland, Oregon. Why the Third Paddle? Because even the most badass entrepreneurs get stuck up in business-shit creek. Management consultant Jennifer McFarland is your Third Paddle, helping you get unstuck.
We never lost our house. Our cars were never repoed. Our fridge was always full. Our kids probably never even experienced a blip in that sort of thing. But I made it that way in my brain like I was causing all of the things, right? Hurricanes were happening in the East and it was my fault because I quit my job [laughter], right? That’s kind of how it felt.
It’s raining in Oregon. Oh, no.
Yes. My fault.
Because that never happened before.
Exactly. Yeah. So I had no idea what I was doing, how I was going to structure things, I didn’t know anything about business. I’ve been in business for five year– in July, I celebrated five years with Mindful Energy and it wasn’t until about two years ago that I got my first business coach. It wasn’t until two years ago that I started running a business.
I love the stories of you and your business coach [laughter]. [inaudible] show up in your blog, by the way [laughter].
So I hope you pay that person a lot.
Are you saying I’m difficult?
Okay. That’s true. Yeah. I am. And I’m difficult.
And I’m saying it as someone who is–
Is equally difficult.
Yes. Yeah. I am. And I’m not for everybody. And that’s one thing that I knew right off the bat and was one of the more difficult things to incorporate into running a business because everybody has an– well one, when you buy a business, everybody has an idea about what you should do with it and how you should do it and all this kind of stuff. And people were kind of mortified that I was turning away clients. I’m like, “Yeah. I’m not working with you.” I just spent the last 14 years adhering to doctors orders and insurance companies as to how and who I could treat people. Fuck that. I’m done with that. That’s why I’m on my own. This guy is a douchebag. I do not want to work with him and so I’m not going to. And everybody was just like, “You’re not making any money.”
Right. But that’s money.
Yeah. “You’re not making any money. Why are you turning potential clients away?” I’m like, “Because he’s a douchebag. That’s why. [laughter]” I don’t know.
So, okay. So on the last podcast, we talked about sales and about finding your own people. So honestly, you’re attracting people to your business and then you’re realizing sometimes it’s not your ideal person. So you’re just saying, “No, you’re a douchebag. So you need to go find somebody else that can help you.”
But you’re doing them a service too.
I mean, I think that that’s what gets kind of lost sometimes when we turn people away.
And other people look from the outside and they say, “What are you doing? That’s [inaudible] money.” And they don’t realize how miserable it can be to work with somebody that you don’t jive with or something just isn’t working, right?
But they don’t get the best of you.
And you don’t get the best of them either. If it’s a partnership in working together – even for a brief time – you’re not really helping each other.
I’m wasting their money I’m wasting their time. I’m making myself miserable in the meantime. And that’s not what I stand up for. And so there’s a bit– for me, there’s this big ethical piece of it too. If I know that this person is not for me, then I’m going to be wasting their time and money, and I’m not cheap, right? And so I’m wasting a lot of their money. And that just doesn’t sit well. And part of that, too, is honoring– people talk a lot about authenticity. And for as many people that talk about it, there’s not a lot of people that are living authentically. And I can tell that because they’re all living out of this current business structure. They’re all living out of this coaching structure. They’re all living out of this cultural structure of this is how you should do things.
Oh, is that why you like my social media?
Yes [laughter]. Yes.
I mean, because anybody who listens to this podcast, you might be surprised to know that I don’t listen to podcasts.
I am surprised by that.
I am. Because you’re very intellectual. You like to digest information–
–like I eat Skittles [laughter].
I’ve never heard it that way before. I like Hidden Brain by NPR. I listen to a few here and there. But yeah, I believe everybody consumes information differently. And I listen to Audible. And I listen to a lot of books. And that takes up a lot of the space that would be listening to podcasts. But part of–
I love Audible. Audible is [like a best?] friend.
It’s amazing. It’s amazing. They make it a little to easy to buy books, though.
I hold myself to whatever credits I have.
I’m really good at that. Thank you. One of my few budgetary wins [laughter].
Because I wasn’t a habitual podcast listener, but I liked the brief period when I was a DJ in college, I enjoyed. So it kind of appeals to me. But because I didn’t listen to them leading up to starting a podcast, I made the decision not to listen to them when I was developing a podcast because I didn’t want it to be what I thought other people were doing. I just wanted to do whatever I wanted to do. So I did it intentionally. Now I listen to them periodically. I always ask people on Twitter what to listen to and if there’s something cool, I’ll do it. But otherwise, I’m not– because I don’t want it to become– I don’t want it to be like, “Oh, well, I have to sound like so and so and such and such because I just do whatever I want to do.”
Yeah. Yeah. And that works because that’s true authenticity. And when you’re in alignment with what you’re doing, and what you’re thinking, and what you’re feeling, and what is serving your purpose, then shit works out and then it’s not hard. And that’s the whole thing of being authentic and getting out of your own way is truly just going and doing your own thing. And then people come up and they say, “Well, that’s not how it should be done.” You’re like, “Okay. Thanks. Bye.”
Is it fair to say that you started to embrace your intuitive gifts and then quit your job and then that’s kind of [birth?] the passion for the work or?
No. The passion has always been there because, see, from the time that I was born, I was contrary to my culture. I’ve always been the black sheep. I was always doing things that I shouldn’t have been doing.
So you’ve always been like this is what you’re saying?
I’ve always been like this. And I tried really hard for a long time not to be like this because I wanted to be accepted.
That must’ve been really uncomfortable for you.
It was really hard. It was really hard. For whatever crazy cosmic reason, I was birth into this just really fucked up situation. And so just my very existence was just contrary to everything. Then you throw in that I’m super intuitive, and I understand energy, and I can manipulate energy, and I know things that I so I should know that causes problems. That’s like you’re super different. And I like wildly defiant.
I’ve noticed that about you.
Yeah, it’s true. And so it used to be that I was just I was defiant because I didn’t know what else to do. Anger came easy. Right? And so I would just be defiant because that was my best way of discharging just all of the fucked up most of my life because I didn’t know how to do it elsewhere. And so I would pick fights, and get in fistfights, and all that other kind of stuff. And so now, I’m no– I only get little bit of angry every now and again, it doesn’t dominate my life, but I’m still defiant. And so that’s what makes it easy for me to or easier for me to be like, “Yeah, I’m not going to do that. Thank you.”And people, and I’ve noticed since we bought the soda company people really have a hard time. They don’t quite know what to do when you are really firm and nice.
Oh, right, because they’re not used to decisions that are totally in alignment.
Like a fully aligned know or a fully aligned yes.
Yeah. And if you’re nice about that and you’re like, “Yeah, I’m not doing that.” So so this is a great example. We were getting ready, we had to move the brewery out of the building. And it takes special movers with special people to do that. So we were scheduled to start the move at 8:30. And I had other people, I had machinists there because the machinists we’re going to take apart some pieces and put them back together because they wouldn’t fit out the doors. And at about 8″45 there’s no movers. So I called the guy, my contact Josh, and I said, “Josh, where you guys?” And he said, “Oh, they got hung up in Salem. So they’re not going to be here for a while.” And I said, “Okay, thanks for letting me know.” And I sent the machine is off because I’m paying them a lot of money to sit around and BS with me. Great guys, but not interested in paying him that kind of money just to sit around. And so I sent them on their way, thanked them very much. And then I sat and I waited, and I waited, and I waited, and I waited. And about 3:30, finally, this truck and two guys show up, and they walk in, and it’s the wrong guys. They were house movers. They had no idea what to do with this equipment. They didn’t have the right truck. They didn’t have the right people. And and it’s– and so I’m calling up Josh, and I’m like, “Okay, Josh. So what the fuck? I’ve been waiting here for like six and a half hours and the wrong people in the wrong truck show up. What are we going to do about this?” And he’s like, “Okay, well, I’m trying to fix– and he’s like, “Well, can I just send somebody out tomorrow?” And I said, “No,” because this was on a Thursday. Because I’m prohibited from moving things out on a Friday, Saturday, Sunday because this is an event center. And then we have Labor Day, and then we’re into September, and I can’t do that. Today is my day.line. And he’s like, “Okay.” So he says, “I’ll call you back.” So he’s on the line. And I mean this is going into Labor Day weekend, right? And we’re now at like four o’clock. And so he calls me back and he’s just like, “Yeah I thought you were going to have that equipment taken apart so it’d fit.” And I said, “Yeah, the equipment is taken apart, so it will fit out the door.” And he said, “Well, what about that table?” Because there’s, there’s I have a 16-foot long metal table. And he says, “Well, I thought that was going to come apart.” And I said, “Josh, it’s a metal fucking table. It’s solid metal. You came out, you assessed everything, you took pictures, you took measurements, wherein your brain did you ever think that that table was going to come apart? Come on, you’re better than this.” Right? And he’s like, “Okay, right, I’ll call you back.” And so then, much to celebration to Josh, about an hour, and it took them about an hour because all of his moves. had made it back to the Tualatin store at 4 o’clock on a holiday weekend. Then they had to to go from Tualatin to Mount Angel, which is another galaxy at that point in time, in these gigantic tracks. And so he rounded up people– he came out himself. And then I understood the two guys he brought with him, those guys were heavy machine movers. Once they got there, that shit was done in 15 minutes. They knew what they were doing. They had no problem with any of it. Yeah. They had the right tools, and they knew what they were doing. And from that point on, it was awesome. And so Josh didn’t know how to– and we had had multiple conversations up until this point about what we’re going to do with the machines, and we had met before. And he’s a Harry Potter fan, so we talked Harry Potter for hours– not hours really, but a long time. So he didn’t know what to do when I was like, “No. You fix this. I’m not doing this on another day. You knew the equipment that I had, and the wrong people showed up. Fix it,” right?
And at the same time, when they get there, I was genuinely thanking them like, “You guys should be home with your families by now, and I know that. And you’re out here moving my shit, and I’m really grateful for that because that’s true too. Fix your shit Josh, and thank you for being out here at now 5:30 loading these stuff and then having to go back another, probably, hour and a half through traffic to get back to the warehouse.” I was really grateful for that. “Thank you. I hope that you guys all go home to a nice dinner. Bye.” But they didn’t know how to– I mean, you can’t be firm and nice. That’s not a thing. They expected me to just be angry and yelly and stuff like that, and I wasn’t. I was just like, “Yeah. Fix your shit, and thank you for being here so late on a holiday weekend.”
Or going into the holiday weekend.
Still trying to piece together– so you had six months where you quit your job, things are coming to you, and you’re establishing what your business is, and then you finally got a business coach who–
That was still another two years down the road.
That was two years down the road, so what did you do–?
Actually, no, they were three years down the road.
What did you do those first–?
I mean, how did you get here, I guess, is really the question.
So here’s the turning point. So it was around December, so by that point, it had been five or six months since I had quit my job. And when I would go through the drive-through and getting coffee, and they would say, “Oh, what are you doing today?” And I’d be like, “Oh, I’m working.” And they’re like, “Well, what do you do?” And I would cry because I didn’t know how to answer that. I don’t know what I did. I used to be able to say, “Oh, I work in occupational therapy, and they’re like “Oh.” I didn’t know how to answer that, and that was a huge blow. Once you lose that sort of identity, it’s hard, right?
It’s way hard.
Now it’s not. But at that point, it was. And it’s truly hard for other people to interact with that. None of my family talked– not my husband and kids, but my outside family. None of my outside family talked to me about starting a business or running a business or anything, not ever. They didn’t even acknowledge it. They didn’t even know how to approach somebody that was self-employed like that.
Right. Because it’s a lot different if you are in a different space. You work for somebody, and that’s all that you know.
Right. Yeah. Yeah. And so in December, a couple of things happened. One, I was having a complete meltdown because Christmas is coming, we have three kids, and I just felt like the most horrible month because I was sure that their Christmas was going to be horrible because what am I doing?
Because you quit your job.
Because I quit my job. RIght. And so I was cruising on Facebook because that’s all I could do [laughter], and I saw this post come up from a guy that lived in the town with me. And I didn’t really know him that well, but I was kind of familiar with him. And his post said, “Can somebody take me out to the Brooks Truck Stop to get my car?” And I got the intuitive hit, “Do that.” And so I messaged him, and I’m like, “Hey. I could take you out there.” So let me back up– so before that, I was thinking like, “Okay. So all I need is if I–” Because I was out of gas, I was out of cigarettes. The whole thing. I was just like, “Okay. So if I could get like a half tank of gas and a pack of cigarettes then I’ll just figure out what comes next. That’s just what I need now, and then I’ll figure out what comes next.” RIght? So then I see this post, and so I answer it and I say, “Yeah. I can take you out. I’m not doing anything.” because I don’t have a job now. Right? And so I take him out to his car, and then when we get there he hands me 20 bucks. And that wasn’t part of the gag, I just told him I would take him out there.
So he hands me 20 bucks which was exactly half a tank of gas in our car and a pack of cigarettes. So I was like, “Okay. That was a thing.” So then I get home, and that evening I signed, of the time, my biggest client.
And I know that had I not answered that call, and had I not listened to that intuitive hit of– so I identified what I needed. I needed a half a tank of gas and a pack of cigarettes, then I was going to figure out what comes next.
And so then I read his post, and I get the intuitive hit of, “Do that.” Right? Well, that doesn’t make any logical sense. Right? It’s easy for your logical brain to go like, “Well, how is helping him going to lead you to getting yourself out of this mess? And so my logical brain would have said, “No.”
Yeah. “What are you doing?”
“What are you doing?” Right. But my intuition said, “Do this.” And so I listened. And so I did that. And had I not done that I would not have signed that client that night. I’m certain of it. I had to do that, and then that client showed up because that’s how it works. So you have to be willing to take those steps without seeing the finish line. Because we create as we go, and so what we want to do is we want to stand at the starting line and know how it all happens. We want it all mapped out. We want our five-year plan before we even start. And that’s not how it works. You got to start, and you got to go to that next step, and you got to trust your gut, and you got to be reasonable, and you just keep moving forward.
It’s about listening to yourself.
Yes. And trusting yourself.
And trusting yourself.
Yeah. And especially when the outside world is so loud, and telling you that, “Oh. This is silly, and you can’t do this.” And whatever else they’re telling you. And to be able to go, “No. I’m going to trust myself. I’m going to trust myself. I’m going to know what I’m doing.” So that was the first thing that happened. And then the second thing was, I was like, “Okay. Well, I’m just going to go back, and I’m just going to get a PRN job working in OT.” And so I got on with a company that did PRN work, and basically, they put therapists wherever they needed them. Kind of like a staffing agency type thing. And then I could just work a few hours here and there as I needed to and make some money to supplement. I got fired from that job within a week. I’ve never been fired in my life. I’ve never even been close to being fired in my life.
And I was at that job for like a week and I got fired. I mean, tell me that’s not a message from the universe of like, “Yeah. You’re not going backwards [laughter] girl. You need to keep going forwards.” That was one of the most devastating calls I’ve ever had to make to my husband.
Because I think he was finally breathing the sigh of relief of like, “Oh, God. We’re going to have some extra money coming in.” And then I had to call him and tell him I got fired.
That was hard.
That would be hard.
Yeah. So that’s how it began. And then I just kind of floundered around, but a lot of it was just continuing to listen to my intuition. I started doing coaching packages and doing the whole Mindful Energy Apprenticeship which is my best selling, most rated– the people that end up doing the apprenticeship go and do the most amazing things. That all started with a guy. His name is Adolpho, and he’s in Spain. And he reached out to me, and this was way back in 2013, maybe 2014, and he said, “Do you like the coaching packages or something?” And I said, “Yeah. I do.” And I didn’t. I had no idea what that [meant?], but I’m really good at saying yes and then figuring it out.
And that’s when it started, and I was like, “Okay. Yes.” And so I sent him an invoice, and I said, “Pay me this money.” And he did. And I was just like, “Okay. Now I got to figure out–”
Figure it out.
“I got to put something together.” And I did, and that’s what the Mindful Energy Apprenticeship is now. And that’s what the book Mindful Energy that you can get on Amazon, that’s what that’s about too. It’s that formula that I put together. And then that’s where it started. And then I just got better at it, and I honed it, and I honed it, and I honed it, and now it’s like gold. It’s solid. It’s awesome. And people when they get done working through the apprenticeship, these people, they’re manifesting cars. I have a really high divorce rate [laughter] which isn’t the best selling point–
I didn’t see–
It’s on your website.
Yeah. Right. I keep that one quiet, but it’s true. Because what it is is these people that have been in these really long term relationships that have not had the guts to get out all of them finally do. They find different careers, they buy their dream houses. I mean, they start businesses, they start crazy successful businesses. The stuff that they’re doing is amazing. And it’s after they get done doing the apprenticeship and just because I teach them how to trust themselves. I teach them how to hear their intuition and how to trust it and how to understand the energy around it and use that to their benefit. So then they can go do whatever they want to do. And they do. And they just kill it. And it was just awesome. Yeah. And so all of that was born out of Adolfo sending me a message from Spain and saying, ”Do you have any coaching packages?” And I was like, ”Yeah.”
And then saying yes to it.
And saying yes. Yup. And then showing up.
So when you‐‐ in your bio, you talk about magic. How do you define what is magic?
I see magic as more of a verb. Like people‐‐
What’s a verb.
I think. So I think we make magic.
And what that is, is‐‐ on a practical level, magic is intuition and energy. It’s the stuff that we can’t‐‐ it’s that spiritual piece of us that we can’t see. It’s love, it’s charisma, it’s energy, it’s luck, it’s manifestation. It’s all that kind of stuff that we know happens, but we can’t quite explain it. It’s not of the physical realm. And so when we use intuition and energy with intention and attention like we use it on purpose, we are making magic. And that’s when things get really easy. That’s when we find the right people at the right time. That’s when we’re driving down the street and we’re like, ”Okay. So which grocery store do we want to go to?” And you’re like, ”Okay. So my intuition tells me that Fred Meyer is going to be faster than Safeway. And so I go to Fred Meyer.” That’s why I can go to Bridgeport village and park in front of Barnes and Noble every single time.
I know, right?
Yeah. Like that never happen. There’s like 47 parking spots and 10,000 visitors per hour. And I always get a front row spot.
Because it’s where you’re going.
Because that’s where I’m going and I want a front row spot. And so that in it, so it happens. My son is amazing. My youngest son is so good at this. Like he is a master finder of everything. He finds anything he wants. Like one day he comes to me and he says, ”I want to pinstripe suit.” And I said, ”Okay.” I said, ”Where are we going to find it?” And he said, ”Goodwill, let’s go try there.” And I said, ”Okay.” So we go to the Goodwill in our town in Newberg, Oregon and there is a full pinstriped suit, like a fallen zoot suit, right. Sharp pinstriped in his size for like eight bucks. And that kid does that all the time.
All the time.
Yup. That’s magic. That is using intuition energy on purpose and making something happen for yourself. So that’s how I see magic.
Okay. So I mean, are we all magical?
Absolutely. Because energy is a constant inner universe. We’re all made of it. All right. I ain’t saying we’re talking about that long ago and the people were like, ”Well, yeah. Maybe kind of.” But he was kind of probably Kooky and now we’ve done nothing but continued to prove that‐‐
that he’s not Kooky.
That he’s not Kooky. Right. Like when they did the hell during collider and it’s like colliding Adams, then they started saying like, ”Oh.” They were expecting to find something in the middle, and it was just nothing but pure energy like nuclear the fusion. It’s just like busting Adam’s apart and you’re making this intense amount of energy. Like that’s us. That’s what we’re made out of. Like energy is a thing.
Yeah. I started looking‐‐ when I started learning about energy, or I would say probably over the summer, I was reading a book. And I was reading it and I’m like, wait. I’ve learned all this before. This is all science, which was not what I expected. I expected some crazy woo-woo shit, which my joke is that I’m not very woo-woo. I’m like, [inaudible].
Yeah. Yeah. Me, too.
It’s not part of who I am. It’s like, I’m not this magical person in terms of how I relate to the world. Does that make sense?
I need things to make sense. I do tech. I used to be an artist. I have a very diverse background but I”m also a human in a world that’s logical. And then I was like, okay, I’ll read about this. But I’m also very open. I like to learn. So I read this book and I’m like, I’ve learned all this before in science class, as a kid. And then I started really thinking about it and I started thinking about movies I’ve seen. We were talking about this, I think, last week, which is like, what the bleep do you know and kind of how quantum physics comes into the energy realm and how you can establish new neural pathways into your brain and all of these things. And basically, it seems like science is starting to say, “Yeah, there’s a lot of stuff we can’t explain.”
Yes. There’s a lot of things we can’t measure yet.
And we can’t measure it but that’s okay, right?
Right. We can’t measure it with instruments. We measure it with our human experience because we experience these things. We experience these miracles. And we talk about it. We talk about these miraculous things. We talk about these wonderful strokes of luck. We talk about the mother that’s lifting her car off her children. We experience these things.
It’s on the nightly news every night.
Exactly. But we can’t replicate it in a lab and we can’t build a machine to monitor it and so we refuse to see that it’s real.
So it’s like everyday magic.
Yes, absolutely, super practical. When you were talking about you’re the [inaudible] and not the woo-woo, I’m the same way. I read Tarot cards and I would read in various different shops and stuff early on. And I would be sitting there. I would be sitting at a table and I have my whole spread. And I’ve got this little sign up that says, hi, I’m Sarah. I’m your reader today and this is how much it’s going to cost. And I have different decks laid out there and I have this beautiful– they’re wood carved hands that my husband got me and then there’s a gigantic crystal ball that sits in the middle of them. They’re just stunning, right? So I’ve got that sitting out there, got the whole thing. But then I’m just sitting there in jeans and a Trail Blazers sweatshirt, right? And so people will come in and they won’t even– they’ll look around and they’ll be like, “Well, where’s the reader?” I’m like, “That’d be me.” Because I totally don’t look the part.
Right. Because you’re supposed to be like–
I have no tie-dye. I’m not wearing a crystal on my body and there’s no patchouli. And so, they don’t even know what to do with that.
Who are you?
Right. They just think I’m a total fraud, right, which is weird because the other side thinks I’m a fraud, right? The not woo-woo at all think I’m a fraud because they’re like, well, that’s just–
What’s Tarot? What is that?
Right. What is this kind of stuff? But then the woo-woo thinks I’m a fraud because I don’t [laughter]–
Because you’re wearing a Trail Blazers shirt.
Right. Yeah. Yeah.
So you’re just Sarah, is what you’re saying.
I’m absolutely Sarah. And there’s never been a time in my life more than I’ve been like, “Fuck, yeah. I am.” Because I’ve always been checking myself against what everybody else wanted me to be and trying to find some sort of way to be included and to be accepted and, yeah.
And now you’re like, “Whatever.”
Yeah. Here I am. I have my tribe. I have my people. It’s small and that suits me because I’m not a big-tribe person, right? And I’m happy.
Well, and you’re brave.
And I’m brave. Yeah. So that’s kind of my expertise. I’m an expert at being brave. And that goes back to kind of that fucked up situation that I was born into. I had to be brave from day one. I had no other choice. I was either going to be destroyed by my circumstances, or I was going to be brave and get the fuck out of there and survive it. That was my choice. A lot of people get physically, mentally, spiritually, psychologically destroyed by those same circumstances, and I didn’t. And so I don’t remember a time where it was a conscious decision. It was, “I’m going to survive this. And in order to survive this, I have to be brave. And then what I teach people is– people want to talk– they’re like, “Oh well–” they think being brave is big things like Cadmus, right? Like these big events. And really being brave is all these small events on a daily basis.
Yeah. It’s like telling Josh, “Get your shit down here. I don’t care how you make this happen. I need this moved.” Right. Because a lot of times we’ve gone like, “Oh well. I’m sure tomorrow will be fine. I’ll figure it out.” Or whatever. Being brave is asking for what you need. Being brave is saying no and knowing that no is a complete sentence. I don’t have to explain myself to anybody. Right? I can just say this is what I want without justification. This is what I need without justification. I can say no, and that’s it. I don’t have to finish that sentence. Right?
And all of these are things that we are compelled to do. I mean, the big brave thing is quitting your job because you have an intuitive hit. That’s a big brave thing–
That’s a big brave thing.
–in our society. Right?
And buying a soda company.
And buying a soda company because–
That was another big brave thing.
–you knew that that was just what you needed to do. So those are the big things. Those are what make you Cadmus-y. But then, you’re right, it’s the everyday things. Sometimes it can just be really brave to listen to yourself and be authentic and answer the call.
Just show up.
When you’re being asked to show up and you say, “Yeah, okay, I’m going to do that.” And that’s what I teach people. They get to show up wherever they’re at. They are exactly okay where they are. And their magic belongs everywhere. And that’s a huge brave thing in our culture right now. If you’re a PTA person, right, you’re president of the PTA. Your magic belongs there. If you’re a corporate powerhouse your magic belongs in the boardroom.
And by the same token, if you’re fighting every single day, and you’re miserable, and your job is making you sick maybe your magic doesn’t belong there.
Your magic belongs everywhere. You probably don’t belong there. You’re probably being called to something different. But wherever you decide to go, whatever your life looks like– because people want to talk about bravery as like going out and doing things. And it really dishonors people that are stay-at-home moms. Who talks about stay-at-home moms as being brave? Who puts them in the same category as Cadmus?
It is brave, though.
It’s absolutely brave. But who’s talking about that?
Who’s calling them brave? Who’s calling them out?
Well, you are.
I am. But aside from me?
Yeah, not a lot of people.
Right. And it’s because we put this structure on what it is to be brave.
Right. And I guess that what I meant by being in a job that you’re miserable is sometimes– your magic belongs everywhere, but sometimes your magic isn’t received well, and you should be somewhere else.
Yeah. Or you shouldn’t care.
It would be better to exist somewhere else, or you shouldn’t care.
Yeah. One of the two.
And that’s what, maybe, stay at home moms need to do too and say, “This is what I’m doing and I’m killing it.”
Yeah. Like, “I make the best PB&J in the world.”
Yeah. And so so that’s what I teach people is just how to show up in the face of the culture telling them that they shouldn’t do things a certain way. Because what it is, is we have this internal voice that says do this because you’re on this planet for a reason. And then our culture says, “No, don’t do it that way.”
What are you doing?
Yeah, what are you doing? You don’t do it– you don’t do that that way. And so it’s about listening to that voice and being able to meet those circumstances and not panic and not freak out. Because our neurology is wired to not mess with the tribe. Way back, 80,000 years ago when we were running around as clans, if we got kicked out of our tribe, it most likely meant death because we weren’t able to survive on our own and other tribes wouldn’t take us in, somehow it worked. And so if we got ostracized because we somehow went against the tribe–
We were going to starve.
–we would likely die. And we began to encode that in our DNA, the same way that we began to encode that tigers will eat us. And so now, fast forward to 80,000 years, our neurology still tells us that if we fuck with the tribe and we get kicked out, we’re going to die. And we’re talking neurology, we can’t override that. It’s the same thing as I can’t make myself stop breathing. I will pass out and I’ll start breathing again. Right? There’s certain neurological processes that you can’t really override. And so we need to honor that in people. This is your neurology, this– at that point, it does not become a choice. It’s an evolutionary tool that has been encoded into your DNA as survival of the species. That’s a big fucking deal. That’s not like, “Oh, well, you could just choose to do something different.” No, you can’t. And so you need to approach it from that side, right? You need to approach it from that neurological piece and say, “Okay, this is what your neurology is doing. And because you have a frontal lobe and you–” and then you can make sense of that and go, “Okay, my neurology is doing that.” And I can look around my environment here and be like, “Okay, there’s no tiger. I’m not in danger.” Because that’s what our neurology is telling us, is that we’re in danger. And for as much as we’re afraid, rarely are we ever in danger.
Yeah. And it’s that neurological feeling of danger that keeps us from doing things or keeps us doing things that we don’t want to do because we don’t want to get kicked out of the tribe.
That makes a lot of sense.
Yeah. And then when you tell people that, they’re like, “Oh, thank God.” Usually they’ll just take this big deep breath, and they’re like, “I knew it wasn’t just pulling myself up by my bootstraps.”
I mean, it works. You can do that too, but you’re fighting so much and you’re just–
You can’t fight neurology, dude. You can speak to it in a different way.
So is that what you do? You talk to it in a different way?
You remind it that you’re not going to be eaten by a tiger?
Yes. You’re in the situation and you’re like, “I don’t want to say that because that makes me nervous because I’m afraid that I’m going to be rejected or I’m afraid that I’m going to look stupid,” right? And looking stupid and being rejected, that comes on those safety and security things.
Yeah. I felt kind of icky when you said that, honestly, out loud.
Okay. So it hits on that. And so then you have to think about it in a different way.
And so so all you have to do is be like, “Okay, there’s no tiger in the room. I’m not in danger.”
Okay. That’s fair.
It could be frightening. Fear’s not danger. It’s two different things. But we talk about fear as though it’s danger, culturally.
Yeah, that’s true.
And we don’t make that distinction.
So a lot of your work is around helping people overcome
all of that.
And understanding when to take stock of what their intuition is telling them.
You follow that.
Yes. Always listen to your intuition. Always. Absolutely. 100% of the time. You don’t always have to do what it says. There’s a lot of times we’re all getting an intuitive it, and I’m like, “Yeah. No, thanks. I’m not doing that because that’s scary [laughter].” Right? But you still have free will. I absolutely have free will, but I’m not denying that that’s my intuition.
See that’s the key. I’m still saying, “Okay. That was an intuitive hit. I’m not just making shit up. That’s not just my ego. That’s not just my judgment or logic or reason or anything like that. That was an intuitive hit, and I’m not doing that.”
And all of that is okay. All of that remains consistent with your purpose. All that remains true for you. And every time you remain true for you then shit is just good, and things happen because there’s no resistance. There’s not what I call the rub. There’s not things rubbing up against you because you’re not being true to who you are and what you are here to do. What is it? One in four trillion chance that the right sperm and egg come together and create an embryo? And then that embryo survives a full term in utero? And it comes out as a healthy baby with eyebrows in the right place? One in four trillion. So you’re going to tell me that we’re not here for a purpose? And you’re telling me that you’re just some sort of cosmic accident? No way. No way.
So then you got to listen?
Yeah. Or you can me miserable. One of the two. That’s your choice. Right? That goes back to the free will. You can listen, and you can live on purpose, or you can be miserable because if you’re not listening to your purpose you’re going to be miserable. Because your soul has a really vested interest in you being on purpose. Your soul says, “Girl, you got stuff to do here [laughter].”
That’s what the vision board is for, to remind me of all that.
A vision board can work for that for sure because the tools aren’t what– people put a lot of stock in tools whether it be in vision board or whether it be tarot cards or whether it be crystals or whether it be computer programs or whatever. You’re the magic [one?].
It just supports that reminder. I like the vision board because it reminds me of what I’m aiming for.
It’s not in-and-of-itself magic.
Right. You’re magic. And you’re making that happen, but it is good to keep that in mind.
So if people want to reach you, how do they do that?
Well, they can find me at my website, mindfulenergybysarah.com. They can also find be on Facebook. You can look up Sarah Hadley, or you can look up Mindful Energy by Sarah. You can find me in both places. You can find me on Twitter. They have The Chronicle on Twitter. And you can find me on Instagram. I’m hadleysarah on Instagram. So all of those places I hang out, and I tell people hanging out with me on social media is a really good way to just kind of see what I’m all about because I’m not for everybody, and I don’t even pretend to be. There’s nothing of me that’s going to soften or go away to make you feel good about this thing. Right? If there’s any sort of discomfort or you’re just like, “Uhh. That’s just too much.”–
Yeah. It’s not going away.
–it’s not going away. I’m not your person. I will help you find somebody.
But how it happens is that people that need to find me, find me. And then they show up. Because they’re being brave, and they’re like, “Okay. I’m going to try this thing. I don’t know what this means. I don’t know what this looks like. This is different than anything I’ve ever done, but I’m going to show up. And I’m going to start liking your pictures. And I’m going to start commenting on some of your stuff. And every now and again I’m going to share some stuff.” And they pay attention, and they’re listening.
Or they could read Pod Murphy.
Or they could read Pod Murphy which you can get on Kindle, and if you have Kindle Unlimited it’s free.
Otherwise, it’s what? $2.99?
$2.99. Yeah. So go get Pod Murphy. It is such a great story. It really is. It is such a killer story. You got to go read Pod Murphy. It’s going to be the best $2.99 you spend today. I promise.
Oh, that’s for sure.
Yeah. It’ll be the best $2.99 you spend today. So go get Pod Murphy on Kindle. Kindle Unlimited is free. And then after you read it and love it, leave a review [laughter].
For example [laughter]?
Right. Because reviews are money in the bank man, for authors. It really is.
Kind of going back to the publishing thing and my plan to get an agent and a publisher is that’s the kind of stuff they’re looking at. Are people reading your stuff? And what do they think about it?
Do they like it?
All right. Cool. Well, we’ll put all of those links into the show notes including the Pod Murphy Kindle link and all of the ways to reach you on social media. Thank you so much for being here.
Thank you for having me [laughter]. It’s really been fun.
Yeah. This is super fun. So, yeah. That’s the end of the show guys.
[music] Thank you for listening to the Third Paddle Podcast. Be sure to catch every episode by subscribing on iTunes. To learn more, check out our website at www.thirdpaddle.com The Third Paddle Podcast is sponsored by Foster Growth LLC online at www.fostergrowth.tech.
Thanks for listening to the show. Please be sure to subscribe because next week we shift gears slightly and talk about the magic that can happen when you throw away imposter syndrome. That’s right. If you’ve ever felt like a fraud and like you don’t belong, well, first of all, guess what. You’re not alone. And second of all, there are so many things that you can do. So join me and Alison Kinnear as we talk imposter syndrome next week on the Third Paddle
Hi! I’m Jen! I have over 25 years of training, teaching, and executive experience in leadership, strategic project planning, and digital marketing. Today, I am the founder of Women Conquer Business, a boutique consulting firm dedicated to helping women, people of color, and the LGBTQ+ community build sustainable businesses. I’m a frequent guest speaker and trainer. Get access to my free business growth accelerator and hang out with me on my weekly women in business podcast, Women Conquer Business.